


Pasta Gone Wrong

by faeriiies, goopfieri



Category: Death Note
Genre: Crack, Crack Taken Seriously, L is a Dick, Multi, Narcolepsy, and pasta, beyond shows up out of nowhere, light just wants love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-26 23:50:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7595137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faeriiies/pseuds/faeriiies, https://archiveofourown.org/users/goopfieri/pseuds/goopfieri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Light wanted was some spaghetti.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pasta Gone Wrong

**Author's Note:**

> if you clicked on this, you must be really bored. written after me and my homegirl aya made pasta and we broke a glass. enjoy :-)
> 
> 2018 update: please stop fucking reading this. i beg of you. what the fuck are you doing reading death note crack fics in june 2018. please go study for your middle school finals or something. this is the worst thing on the internet and i’ve had enough.

Light Yagami woke up from his nap. For some reason, the first thing he thought of when he opened his eyes was: spageddy. And then, he thought of L, his spageddady. He rolled out of the bed he shared with his boyfriend, to go find his lover.  
"L..?", he called out. "Do you wanna make some pasta with me?"  
He heard his response of, "No fatty, stop eating your insecurities."  
"Bruh. I'll let you be my spagedaddy if you do."  
He heard rushing footsteps coming towards the kitchen.  
"Okay babe, can you get out a bowl, some elbow noodles, water, and jarred spaghetti sauce?"  
L stared at him blankly, as if he just asked the worlds dumbest question. "No, you fat bitch, use olive oil, it's better for you."  
Light was shocked. He felt like L had just punched him. Olive...oil...?  
"Olive oil...?" Light asked slowly.  
"Yes, you gained five pounds in one week, you need to stop being such a fatass."  
So, reluctantly, Light got the olive oil from the cabinet. But, nobody knew it secretly contained spaghetti sauce.  
L started to put the noodles into the boiling water. "So, L, I was thinking-"  
"LIGHT!" Light flinched, and jumped back a few paces from where he was standing behind L. Light took notice of Ls fist clenched around the olive oil jar to the point where his knuckles were white.  
"Y-yes, babe..?"  
"YOU FUCKING HOBO! This olive oil can is filled with fucking ass spaghetti sauce! What the fuck is wrong with you, you fucking COCKSUCKER!" L screamed.  
Light was terribly frightened. "S-spaghetti sauce? It's the olive oil jar!"  
L turned from the stove to face light, and dumped the sauce onto Lights caramel colored locks.  
"What does this look like to you, huh? You little fucking fatty. Can't even keep olive oil in the house because you're such a fatass."  
"L...L....." Light tried to respond, but Light could barely focus with the red sauce burning into his cornea.  
"I can't take your bullshit, Light. We're over, forever!"  
Light tried to reply, but L said, "GET OUT." That's when Light could respond. "It's my house!"  
L looked mad, with the olive oil jar beginning to crack around his fist. He was going to reply until Beyond walked in.  
"Bad time?" B smirked as he walked into the kitchen. "Looks like I walked into a badly directed food porno."  
L and Light shifted their gazes to Beyond, momentarily forgetting their dispute.  
"B?" L choked out. "What are you doing here?" Light added on.  
He had never seen his now ex-boyfriends twin IRL, but only heard stories through L and case files he'd snooped on. He understood they had a complicated relationship.  
"Well, I came here to collect my prize." Noticing the confusion on the two boys faces, he continued. "You two just broke up right? I was the one who replaced the olive oil with spaghetti sauce. It was all part of my plan to bring you two apart. It worked, and since you two are no longer together I can have this beautiful boy all to myself."  
Beyond his shifted his burgundy hued gaze to the object of his interest. "You see, honey. I've been infatuated with you ever since L here started messing aroun fm with you. You know he never treated you right, but I could do that and give you a good succ if you just come with me." Beyond held out his hand to Light.  
Tentatively, Light put his hand out towards B's. Then he heard the crash of the olive oil jar, pieces crashing everywhere. Light and B looked up and saw L's bleeding fingers grasping the ghost of the jar.  
"Bitch the fuck?" Light said, with a renewed confidence in his voice with the knowledge that B was ready to use his torture methods if anything got out of hand.  
"Light, I was going to propose, today."  
Light began to feel extremely dizzy. He couldn't think, speak, or move. He felt himself fall back into the hard marble tile, and then a pair of strong arms snake around his waist to catch him.  
Through the almost completely shut squint of his eyes, he saw a pair of concerned red ones.  
"What's wrong with him?" Beyond stuttered out. The last thing he heard before he fell asleep was Ls voice. "Fucking narcoleptic bitch."


End file.
